As I struggle with my self image I have to constantly remind myself that my view of myself is skewed. Dealing with being overweight through high school has given me deep rooted self esteem problems. Evidence there of, found in my latest motto in life... "There is always room for improvement." Even at what I thought was my best I still wasn't good enough.
So I am constantly trying to be content with in myself. I know I will never be perfect. What is perfection? I am too worried about what other people might want. I must only concern myself with a body image that makes me happy. With that said I still have high standards set for myself. And I know all I need is time to achieve those goals. And to maintain them.
On a dating site, one of the headlines I saw was "Relationships make you fat and lazy." I told myself I wasn't going to let that happen. But it did. I have no one to blame but myself and I accept that responsibility. So here I am again. Trying to take a few steps forward. Slowly. Surely. I did it before I can do it again.
Like everyone, I have good and bad days. I am recognizing the good days more and focusing on them instead of what I think are "bad" days. Slowly rebuilding my self esteem and my confidence.
So one day at a time. It's coming. I'll find that part of my inner peace.
Because, damn, I look good.